A pretzel of a paradox

while I was home I had a conversation with my younger brother. He was telling me how I can't take people literally and can't let what people say affect me. At the same time he was telling me to disregard what people thought he was telling me to care way more about what people thought, it was a pretzel of a paradox. Basically he had figured out chimpanzee culture somewhat by being a very social guy and he was giving me some insight into it. It's complex and he agreed. Last time I was home he was giving me suggestions how I should cut my hair and shave my facial hair, hinting that I would fit in better. At the same time I called out one of his friends who has a long beard. As it so happens the guy with the long beard has lots of friends and is funny, he's also overweight. But his family is connected to many other families and he was on the football team in high school that went to the playoffs, etc, etc. So you can do what you want with your appearance as long as you hold a certain status, otherwise it's to risky. confused? So basically I would have to work my way up the hierarchy before I could actually look, do, and say what I want. it's complicated. this is chimpanzee culture. It's the basic social stuff we take for granted and if you anaylize it you see how rediculous it is. It's like status and politics of social culture are based on a big equation. Basically the friend I was referring to could wear a beard because he had a personality,status, alpha status to make up for it. It's all one big equation. A big equation that I don't get. I was raised by liberals who told me to be myself and be individual, do your own thing, that we can all be different and get along, but it's way more complicated than that apparently. My brother was giving me a peak inside a window of a world that I am oblivious to.