A pretzel of a paradox

while I was home I had a conversation with my younger brother. He was telling me how I can't take people literally and can't let what people say affect me. At the same time he was telling me to disregard what people thought he was telling me to care way more about what people thought, it was a pretzel of a paradox. Basically he had figured out chimpanzee culture somewhat by being a very social guy and he was giving me some insight into it. It's complex and he agreed. Last time I was home he was giving me suggestions how I should cut my hair and shave my facial hair, hinting that I would fit in better. At the same time I called out one of his friends who has a long beard. As it so happens the guy with the long beard has lots of friends and is funny, he's also overweight. But his family is connected to many other families and he was on the football team in high school that went to the playoffs, etc, etc. So you can do what you want with your appearance as long as you hold a certain status, otherwise it's to risky. confused? So basically I would have to work my way up the hierarchy before I could actually look, do, and say what I want. it's complicated. this is chimpanzee culture. It's the basic social stuff we take for granted and if you anaylize it you see how rediculous it is. It's like status and politics of social culture are based on a big equation. Basically the friend I was referring to could wear a beard because he had a personality,status, alpha status to make up for it. It's all one big equation. A big equation that I don't get. I was raised by liberals who told me to be myself and be individual, do your own thing, that we can all be different and get along, but it's way more complicated than that apparently. My brother was giving me a peak inside a window of a world that I am oblivious to.

End of my rope

The title is a phrase that my parents used to say when I was younger and I can relate to it. It's a phrase that brings up images of someone dangling from a cliff by a rope and they are at the end of it. They don't have any strength left and they are about to loose control. Maybe they are only hanging on by one hand, maybe their fingers are starting to slip, and it's only a matter of time before they have nothing to cling onto anymore. When my parents said this it basically meant that they were close to loosing control and to beware of the consequences if I chose to push or test them. When they said that phrase it was known to keep your distance from them. I find myself at the end of my own rope and often wonder how I got that far down the rope. I mean, it always seems like just yesterday I was at the top of the rope just about to pull myself up off the cliff. I suppose life is all about hanging onto the rope, and even letting go of the rope now and then. This is a depressing topic, but I don't care. It's late December, it's below zero outside, it's dark, and these are the things I think about when I'm down in the rabbit hole. That's what happens when you let go of the rope, you fall down into the rabbit hole.

What's up with me?

I went out and drank socially last night for the first time in probably two years. I drank a bunch of Heineken and a few Jameson whiskey's. Jameson is the second Irish Whiskey I've tried this year, the other one was Wolfhound, both by me taste of candy apple. Is that typical of Irish whiskey's? I cut my hair. I'm not happy about this but who cares. Yes, I regret it, but maybe I needed a change. Obviously a part of me wanted a change. My grandfather died at the age of 84, I just got back from the funeral yesterday. My grandpa lived a good and long life but his death hit me a little harder considering that his daughter, my aunt, my mother's sister, also passed away this summer in a motorcycle/automobile collision. Her and my uncle were on the motorcycle. She died, he lived. It was good to see him at the funeral. He could have lost his legs but I saw him walking around well. I'm taking two weeks off from Weightlifting to focus on finals and graduation. I've still been coaching my student James. James is currently on a sort of off season program of pulls and squats. He tweaked his wrist on a clean a couple weeks back. He's done some pulls and powers and in the end I think his pull will be much sharper once his wrist comes around. He's been doing some back squats also. I'm big on Bulgarian type of programming but I'm starting to think that there is room for other things. Yes, snatch and clean and jerk should be the meat and potatoes, but there's nothing wrong with throwing in the veggies in there as well. Snatch, Clean and Jerk, Power snatch, Power clean, front squat, back squat, snatch pull, clean pull. (That's the meat, potatoes, and veggies right there) Some other exercises that I think will help me with my deficient overhead position include: Jerk Recoveries, BTN overhead exercises, dips (for some reason this help my crappy elbow, I also read that Oscar Chaplin used to do these). Also, I like the pull to the hip exercise, making sure to stay over the bar. Like John Drewes said, In powerlifting the lift is over at the hip, In weightlifting things are just getting started at the hip. I tried out some Romanian deadlifts but honestly It doesn't seem specific enough, you're never over the bar that soon in the pull (below the knee).

Fun/Intense 90s movies

1. Romeo + Juliet

Yep the one with Leo Dicaprio. I actually saw this movie in the theater. It wasn't the local one in Decorah, IA either. We must have been on vacation, maybe in Chicago or California. I remember my older brother had tears in his eyes as we were walking out after the movie was over. He was always more sensitive than me. I remember when our dog died he cried too but I didn't. I feel things, I'm just so internal, so introverted, intense. I'd be more likely not to cry but to go home and write about it. My dad was a teacher and we always had Macintosh computers, even those early ones with the floppy disks. I remember admiring a young girl from town and writing about it on that computer, a journal of sorts, of course my older brother found it, read it, and made fun of me, once again the extrovert. Anybody remember the game Spectre? How about Myst? Lemmings? Those were some good times.

2. The Fifth Element

Yep, Bruce Willis and Milla Jovovich, "Corban Dallas" and "Li Lu", he had blonde hair and she had orange hair. That movie was rad and I'm not one to say rad, it's just what come to mind.

3. Hackers

Mess with the best, die like the rest. Yep, Angelina Jolie, those juicy lips, damn. The soundtrack to this movie was down right jawsome. That's a word I got from my dad, I think it's a combination of jaw dropping and awesome, jawsome. Hackers made you want to drink Jolt cola and stay up all night, and we did. I remember buying Jolt cola in Protovin, IA. Remember Crystal Clear Pepsi?

Those 3 movies kick ass

90s kicked ass. I don't know what happened. Clinton got out of the White House, Bush took over, War in the Middle East, Meth, Adderal, Slipknot, Economic downturn, recession, 9-11, long hair wasn't cool anymore. It's like the 90s was the 70s sort of, and the 2000s were the 80s. Hopefully the good times come back around again.

True Blue

Early December

The day was like night

Her eyes piercing

They cut me deep

and it felt good to feel

That snow white afternoon

A glimpse of perfection

True Blue was the color of her eyes.